countingcurses

01/04/2010 - Day 3

2010-01-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

SMOKING
A couple really hard cravings today. Started thinking things like, "who gives a damn" and "you don't matter" and "you'll be dead soon anyway". Then I started bartering with myself saying, "Okay, you can have a beer but not a cigarette." or vice versa. All of it was really tough. Made it through though.

SPENDING
No expenditures again today! Yay!

EATING
No breakfast again. Ate lunch around 11:30a. Dinner was around 7:00p. Drank a lot of water today. Unsweet tea too. One coke today.

CALORIES
Chicken Taco Salad at Morelia's: about 700-800 cals?
Fries: 1,000 cals
Coke: 140 cals
Total Cals: 1,960

WEIGHT:
228.0 (Behind)
T 227.6
Weighed this morning.

DRINKING
No alcohol today!

EXERCISE
None.

END OF DAY
Just got called old twice, I'm having a beer or two...

01/03/2010 - Day 2

2010-01-03T13:28:00.000-08:00

SMOKING
Really antsy today, but happy with my decision. The cravings are worse, but less frequent. I do feel angry that I have to go through this. Mad at myself for ever starting. It feels like losing your keys and not being able to find them for hours. Very frustrating. Keep coughing up flem. I assume my lungs are taking the opportunity to clear out the gunk.

SPENDING
No expenditures again today! Yay!

EATING
No breakfast again. Ate lunch around 1:00p. Dinner will be around 6:00p. Started drinking a lot of water today. Green tea too. So far no sodas or other calorie ridden drinks.

CALORIES
Large Salad (Lettuce, tomato, cucumber, green pepper, onions, carrots): 50 cals
12 pepperonis: 260 cals
croutons: 122
italian salad dressing: 600
1 cup rice: 700 cals
1 can broccoli cheese condensed soup: 250 cals
Total Cals: 1,982

WEIGHT:
228.8 (Behind)
T 227.8
Odd, but probably a matter of when I weighed. I'll start weighing in the morning.

DRINKING
No alcohol today!

EXERCISE
None.

END OF DAY
Well, another rough day, but I made it and I'm heading to bed. Really want a cig and a beer. Also really glad I had such a great weekend before starting this hellish task. One day at a time... Two down, 363 to go. Thank God it isn't a leap year! Let's pray this gets easier.

01/02/2010 - Day 1

2010-01-02T13:55:00.000-08:00

SMOKING
Cravings have been coming every hour. They last about 5 minutes and then subside when I tell myself, "No!" and distract myself. Dealing with my body's reaction to the lack of nicotine is almost like dealing with an angry little child. I guess I am a child in many ways. I've been weak and immature. So far so good, though. NO TOBACCO!!! I had read it was like the death of a friend... it is.

SPENDING
No expenditures today. Yay.

EATING
No breakfast, (bad, I know). Ate lunch around noon. Dinner around 5:30p.

CALORIES
8 oz Mountain Dew: 114 cals
Stouffer's Meatloaf and Mashed Potato Frozen Dinner: 600 cals
12 oz Coke: 140 cals
12 oz Mountain: 170 cals
12 Mini Corndogs: 460 cals
Nachos: 700 cals
12 oz Coke: 140 cals
Total Cals: 2,324

WEIGHT:
228.0 (On Track)
T 228.0
I thought for sure I was 235+ so this is exciting. My initial goal is to get down to 200 by June. That's 20 weeks away and 1.4 pounds a week. I'll always post my weight and then the target weight with a "T" in front.

DRINKING
No alcohol today

EXERCISE
None.

Emancipation Day

2010-01-02T13:40:00.000-08:00

As I watched the ball drop on a new decade Thursday night, I couldn't help but look back over the last decade with no small amount of regret. It was a decade of inaction and complacency. Furthermore, it was a decade of developing addictions. Now I find myself in desperate need of change and more willing than ever. I'm not a happy person and it's abundantly clear that my addictions are the primary culprits. So, in an effort to become the reasonably happy person I should be, I'm starting this blog as a catalyst for action. Most of the stuff I write will be related to my habits regarding eating, drinking, smoking, weight and spending. This will be my addiction journal and hopefully this will become the recorded history of how I went from bondage to freedom, emptiness to fulfillment. I want to share these things with you. I want to share this struggle. I believe most of us have some addiction in our lives and the vast majority of us will die a slave. This is my emancipation day.